


in vino veriTASTY WINE

by shakeit_dontbreakit



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: "young foolish and financially secure", 2park, domestic 2park, jeremy wade hahahaa, nothing happens, perfectly domestic, please adopt adult cats, this is nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 07:26:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12700176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakeit_dontbreakit/pseuds/shakeit_dontbreakit
Summary: Jihoon is a little mad that there's no emoji to express a snaggletooth and makes a wine-soaked decision to do something about it. Unfortunately for the entire planet he's in a position of creative authority and CAN do something about it.





	in vino veriTASTY WINE

**Author's Note:**

> in a valiant attempt not to write inconsequential domestic fluff i think i may have outdone myself with this inconsequential domestic fluff  
>  
> 
> too amped to format a text convo properly so plaintext it is

 

_What_

_What the hell_

_…_

_Seriously?! No_

_no_

_Oh man fuck this_

_Fuckfcuk what is this_

_ &#128058; is a noo go _

_ &#129499; wont work _

_Cat emoji doesnt cut it_

_Wolf, MAYBE but.._

_Idk_

_Get back to me about wolf_

_Uhh_

_Devil has a tooth but fuck that_

_ &#129416; isnt gonna play _

_Aaaaand yeah_

_Thats all we have_

_We have nothing sir_

_Okay first of all fuck you_

_You KNOW I dont know html_

_In what world is it easier to type the code that just name the image_

_Are you drunk?_

_Not judging but also yeah, judging_

_No_

_Well yes, but its not about that_

_Yikes_

_Park woojin, our world lacks an_ _emoji to express a snaggletooth_

_Uh what_

_What?_

_You just_

_You found all the emojis with teeth?_

_Tooth (singular)_

_And I do not accept the devil emoji_

_Which does in fact have a single tooth_

_But_

_Ugh_

_Its just not right_

_AND I KNOW YOU KNOW_ _THE PLURAL OF EMOJI IS EMOJI_

_OKAY YEAH_

_I do knwo that sorry_

_But wait_

_How long have you been looking_

_You misspelled ‘scouring the earth in vain’_

_For about 10 minutes, to asnwer_

_Oh, well that’s not bad_

_You sure you looked through them all?_

_Uh_

_Did you just ASSUME I hadn’t given this my all?_

_Your left canine is important to me_

_Okay_

_Youre a little touchy_

_But very sweet_

_Are you drinking wine, then?_

_Yeah but_

_Oh my god is that a thing of mine?_

_Wine?_

_Red wine seems to supercharge your heart_

_Nbd tho just like_

_You know how tequila makes me slutty_

_OH yeah_

_Red wine makes you emotionally slutty_

_Noted._

_Drink some water_

_Also what prompted this scourge of the earth?_

_Ahh_

_THe quest for the snag_

_Daehwi asked me whos in the overwatch gc_

_And since i guess i can be cheeky_

_You GUESS?_

_And since I AM cheeky_

_I responded with an emoji representation of each of us_

_Instead of actually naming names_

_Like seongwoo got the scream face_

_Sungwoon is the huffy face_

_Daniel is the cat face with heart eyes_

_Okay I think I get it_

_Jaehwan is two ‘okay’ hand emoji_

_What are you?_

_Wink face obv_

_But then I started thinking_ _about emoji reps for_ _all the people I care about_

_And I thought ‘woojin would be a snaggletooth’_

_But! It doesnt exist_

_Looked for a single tooth_

_And since I do not accept the devil emoji_

_There is nothing_

_Well_

_Hahahaa_

_Okay I get it_

_Youre an idiot but I get it_

_Whats wrong with the devil emo?_

_You’re just_

_Not_

_You are not that_

_Thanks_

_…?_

_Seriously though_

_I went on a fucking historical deep dive into the UTC annals_

_Page by page, scanning all emoji ever_

_Still nothing_

_How do you get paid to do this_

_I chose a profitable major_

_Ouch_

_Okay asshole_

_We both benefit though_

_You get to mold the artistic sensibilities of the next generation_

_AND protect that which needs protection_

_I just put that pure poetry into google translate_

_Jihoon → woojin_

_And what does google say_

_‘Youre a security guard that teaches dance on the side’_

_You ARE though_

_You keep people safe and soulful_

_I just make baaaank_

_Why are you drunk_

_Its not even 3_

_Brogrammer culture breeh_

_Its thursday_

_And we just promoted the intern_

_And like_

_Were ahead of schedule for the update_

_Uh?_

_Last night you almost cried about your workload_

_Untrue_

_Very true_

_We have a whole week_

_WELL_

_Less than a week until deployment_

_We’re on track tho_

_Idk babe you should try pming a whole fucking update_

_While designing and coding half of the product in said update_

_Hard pass_

_The only thing less likely_

_SERIOUSLY_

_Only thing less likely_

_Hooooo?_ _  
_

_Would be you doing my job_

_HAH_

_You got me_

_I dont think I could body slam any delinquents_

_Successfully, anyway_

_Is that what you actually think my job is like?_

_Sorta_

_Dude I WISH_

_Hahahha_

_Oh man_

_Now Im imagining it_

_But yeah, I think you would go insane with my job_

_Plus I dont like kids_

_So none of that teaching stuff_

_Plus kids don’t like you_

_So none of that teaching stuff_

_Oh damn_

_Okay_

_Thanks_

_My flaws are confirmed_

_BUT_

_If they knew you were partly responsible for the poop emoji_

_…_

_You’d still be bad with them_

_Flaws: confirmed_

_Makes sense though_

_You mold the hearts, i make poops and devils_

_The world needs you more than me_

_Clearly_

_Not even lying here_

_Aww_

_That sounds sweet_

_Forgive me for not trusting it_

_SaaAAAHhh ouch_

_In vino veritas my love_

_Ohhhkay, wow_

_Just pretend to do work or something_

_In vino veriTASTY WINE_

_There is a 12yo in my class_

_12_

_Preteen_

_Who is more responsible than you_

_Bullshit_

_Im a highly educated and highly productive member of society_

_I pay taxes on taxes_

_Imma poster child for 'accidentally successful millennial'_

_He manages his familys bee colonies_

_?_

_Heh?_

_All 6 of them_

_Six hives or six bees_

_What do you think_

_Bees? Like those little buzz buzzers?_

_BEES_

_How are you even friends with that kid_

_My dear pooj, you are NOT insect-friendly_

_Its not like he brings them to class_

_You fucking nerd_

_Im fine with bugs_

_Oh?_

_Ahehm_

_One sec_

_What are you doing_

_I work in tech babe_

_Computers_

_You think i don’t have proof_

_You think i dont have PRIMARY SOURCES_

_[jihoon uploaded a video]_

_Wow okay_

_Ahhh_

_[jihoon uploaded a video]_

_[jihoon uploaded a video]_

_Stop_

_[jihoon uploaded a video]_

_Youre not in that last vid but your screams are_

_[jihoon uploaded a video]_

_Oho I made a gif of this one_

_[jihoon uploaded a gif]_

_Wow you’re awful_

_Nah, just a little naughty_

_Take heart in the fact that I think its real cute_

_Bugs are tiny nothings and you just_

_lOSE YOUr MInD_

_Why would I have so many videos if I didnt think it was the BEST_

_Dont like that logic_

_Why do you think im stressin out about a snagglemoji_

_Its because youre the best_

_Love that tooth_

_Love the mouth its in_

_Love the person with that mouth_

_The whooooole shebang_

_Youre ridiculous_

_You are in true red wine form_

_I love you too_

_Please drink some coffee or something_

_If you text the devil at me I’ll know you mean snaggletooth_

_Aka me_

_Unless I actually mean devil_

_Youre thinking too far ahead_

_Its called calculating_

_Wish you were here right now_

_Because I just rolled my eyes so hard I did a_ _back flip_

_But sorry love, I have to start earning my keep now_

_Kids hiphop lesson is about to start_

_I would accept *snaggle* whenever you NEED to use a snaggletooth emoji_

_Though I still dont know why you would need to_

_Youre not attracted to yourself_

_You dont know_

_You dont know the power of the snag_

 

 

It looks like Woojin actually is starting his lesson because Jihoon doesn’t get a response.

With an overly dramatic sigh he spins himself in his desk chair once, twice, three times around before stopping the slow orbit with his feet and tossing his phone messily on his desk. Jihoon has three monitors: one with an IDE chock-full of multicolored code strings, another with a cluttered calendar of his entire team’s work schedule, and the third deep into Unicode Consortium official glossary of emoji. Apart from his standing battle station of monitors, a computing tablet calibrated specifically for digital design is plugged into his docked laptop, an almost-dead potted philodendron cleverly named ‘Phil’ hides in a safe corner, and a glass of red wine is mere centimeters from being knocked off the edge of the desk.

Jihoon has been recently promoted to both lead design engineer _and_ product manager of one of Samsung’s product design branches, mainly owing to his frontend coding competency and his keen sense of the millennial aesthetic. It’s a small team beneath him, only three (Four! They just promoted the intern!) people. Their pod is scrappy and quick to pivot and as one of three leads in the entire icon design and development program (and the only mobile specialist) he actually has some ownership over which emoji make the cut for each update.

There will be a snaggletooth, Jihoon decides with a nod, opening one of his desk drawers for some post-it notes. He finds none.

“Lai Guanlin! He who was once a mere intern!” Jihoon calls out brightly.

Guanlin is a legitimate scarecrow of a boy with a freshly minted bachelor’s degree in digital marketing and social media. He has a real flare for user research and SNS dataset analytics—a true asset on any consumer-facing team. He fills an interesting gap of specialization being the only member that can’t actually design or code. It’s one of the reasons Jihoon gave their PM such a glowing (and clearly successful) recommendation of Guanlin’s continued employment.

And also maybe because Guanlin does whatever he asks, right when he asks it. He falls over himself to be helpful and while Jihoon is a good person he’s also an opportunist and will take full advantage of a talented kid who wants to impress him.

Guanlin pokes his skinny head over the top of a cubicle divider after half a moment. “Do you need something, hyung? What do you need?”

He’s a little drunk, with the cuteness and inebriated blush to show it. Jihoon realizes he probably shares the same rosy shade. “Toss me a Post-it stack, any color.”

“So, pink.” Guanlin answers with a nod, ducking down for a moment before shooting a neon pink stack of post-it notes over to Jihoon with perfect three pointer form. His aim _also_ perfect, surprisingly, and Jihoon inwardly marvels at how neatly the stack falls straight into his hands instead of him having to exert any energy reaching to catch it. 

“Thanks young one. What are you working on right now?” Jihoon asks, now searching for a particular pen that he likes more than the other seventy that are scattered in and around his workstation.

“Studying the UTC procedures, like you suggested.”

“Hoooo, you’re studying drunk?” Jihoon teases.

“I... uh, yeah—well I—huh, so…” Guanlin has about four different languages floating around his noggin by now so it doesn’t surprise Jihoon that he sometimes short circuits whenever he’s caught off guard or crosses his language streams. 

“Kidding, kidding. You shouldn’t be drunk studying unless you intend to use the learned information while drunk.”

Hwang Minhyun, Project Manager extraordinaire and Jihoon’s immediate boss, pokes his head out of his small corner office with an ambiguous eye smile. “Keep in mind that he isn’t actually _condemning_ drunk study. Guanlin-ah, you shouldn’t model your behavior off of our Jihoon. He has a certain _je ne sais quoi_ that only works for him.”

“Yes, hyung, we _all know_ you worked at the Paris branch for a year.” Jihoon drawls, sass leaking from every pore. Normally he treats his manager with the cordial deference you might give your preferred uncle-in-law or favorite TA, but Jihoon is emboldened by the happy atmosphere and half a bottle of shiraz. “But Guanlinnie, he is _not_ wrong.”

Jihoon’s sought after pen ends up being in a hidden inner pocket of his backpack and finally equipped to handle his task he turns to the glaring pink stack of post-it notes.

 _What was I making note of? Red wine makes me an imbecile._ Oh, right. Jihoon remembers with a small smile, one that grows into something deep and full. SNAGGLETOOTH EMOJI, he writes in all caps. Then he adds a little heart.

“Okay it’s official.” Jihoon calls out, nodding strongly to himself and sticking the note on the bottom of his middle monitor. Minhyun pops his head out of his office once more and Guanlin cranes his neck to see over the cubicle wall. “We’re going to have a snaggletooth emoji in the next update.”

Minhyun, the one who is actually accountable for that decision and must bear the responsibilities that follow, narrows his eyes. “No.”

Shit. _Wait, okay, I can do this_. Jihoon thinks about it for a heartbeat. “It can double as *lip biting* or *delinquent* or like… *naughty*. I would use it.”

Guanlin (bless his adoring little heart) jumps in for an assist. “Yeah, we have a *wink* and a *smirk* and all that, but what about a nonsexual lip bite? What about those nerves that lie hidden beneath confidence that have no connection to romance of sexuality? It would convey that sense of ambivalence into something personal and measurable."

Neither Jihoon or Minhyun speak.

"Uh, TLDR, it'd be cute, a little niche, and a natural associate of the wink face.”

Holy shit. Those are some bona fide marketing chops. Even Minhyun looks impressed, especially with how quickly Guanlin could pull that bullshit out of thin air, and he tries (fails) to flash Jihoon an imitation of a snaggletooth.

All three wait for the embarrassment to pass. It takes a while.

Minhyun continues after a beat. “Okay Mr. Product Manager, I give you permission to shoot your idea to Jisung-hyung. But make sure to take Guanlin with you—that was a complicated and convincing pitch, well done. Go for it.”

“It’s a good thing we hired him, eh?” Jihoon praises, shooting Guanlin double guns with his  hands. The kid blushes a bit and smiles widely.

“Pitch it to him when you’re both sober, though.”

 

 

 

With two full (reusable) grocery bags slung awkwardly on one shoulder, a 24 pack of beer in the other hand, and his sports bag hanging strangely across his back, Woojin wants to die. He’s trudging up the stairs of he and Jihoon’s apartment building, and yes, he is fit, but boy is it slow going. Of course the elevator is on the fritz the one time he actually needed to use it. Every half floor he wonders why he hasn’t called his boyfriend to come share the burden.

Fifth floor, sixth floor, Woojin pauses to catch his breath before continuing the ascent. He is never working out before grocery shopping _ever again._ Why, why did they need to be on the very top floor of the building? _For the view, loser,_ Woojin can hear Jihoon teasing.

Completely zonked out, the rest of his climb passes in an annoyed blur. All of the sudden he’s standing in front of their door with no available hands to find his keys (which are, naturally, floating around somewhere in the bottom of his gym bag) and currently unaware of the exact location of his phone. He is _not_ going to put everything down only to pick it up again in another heartbeat. Not happening. The most apparent option left to Woojin is to use his head.

Literally.

He hits his forehead against their door, managing a relatively loud _thump thump_. It’s not enough so Woojin starts kicking the door in morse code: three light kicks, three hard and lingering kicks, and another three little thumps. S-O-fucking-S. “Park Jihoon please open the door. Let me in. I don’t have hands.”

After five seconds, nothing. Woojin hangs his head. “Jihoon you nerd, please let me in. I have beer and food and me and you like _all_ of those things.”

Another five seconds pass before Woojin gives in and drops the beer and two grocery bags heavily to the ground with a mighty sigh. He starts to dig in his sports bag for his keys right when Jihoon opens the door inward. Woojin considers strangling him for his bad timing but only for a moment—the sight that greets him is both strikingly disheveled and stupidly cute. Very Jihoon.

He’s wearing a god awful full pink sweatsuit, his blonde hair is basically a haystack, and it’s clear he hasn’t actually left the house—probably hasn’t left his _desk—_ all day. Far from hot, this is just a cute mess. Red bulky over-ear headphones (that belong to Woojin) are slung around his neck and there’s a pair of thick, amber tinted screen glasses perched precariously on the top of his head. Honestly, he looks awful but Woojin is post-workout post-errands and post-caring, so they’re pretty much even in the sloppiness department.  

“I do like beer and food. _And_ you.” Jihoon agrees with a dopey smile before noticing Woojin’s state of being. “Oh my god, you look _undead_ , here let me take these—” he grabs the two grocery bags from the hall and after picking up the 24 pack Woojin follows Jihoon through the front hallway and into their kitchen. “You should have called me, I’d have actually ventured outside to help you.”

With a little self-deprecating laugh Woojin shrugs and starts to help Jihoon put the groceries away. They make quick work of it while Jihoon chatters on about the moral implications of some True Crime podcast he listened to today and Woojin recounts a strange incident in the grocery store involving a service dog and the collapse of a painstakingly erected canned-food pyramid.

Shingles, their old one-eyed cat, wanders into the kitchen and lets out a single pitiful warble before weaving between Woojin’s legs. “You give him dinner?”

Jihoon scoffs. “Yeah, an hour ago _._ He just wants your attention and knows you’re the only one he can con into giving him extra food.”

Woojin _is_ though. So. “Hey, just trying to love our cat a little…”

He reaches into the cupboard for rice to start cooking a simple dinner for two but Jihoon grabs his forearm to stop him. “I already ordered pizza—sorry if you’re trying to be healthy today.”

“Fine with me. Less work better taste.” Woojin comments with a wide grin.

Jihoon laughs and tries to imitate a snaggletoothed smile. It doesn’t work. “It should be here in about forty—perfect timing for us to squeeze in a most of an episode.”

The show trending this week in the Park household is none other than River Monsters—Woojin considers Jeremy Wade to be an international hero and Jihoon just really likes learning about dangerous creatures. Their temporary obsession has gotten to the point that they actually call each other fish names. Phrases like, _Oh my god, stop being such a red-bellied pacu_ and, _Calm down there tigerfish_ are very common.

It’s safe to say they’re hooked.

“We should watch the Arapaima one again.” Woojin turns around to face Jihoon in the kitchen but finds he has already wandered into the living room.

Jihoon raises his voice a bit to make sure Woojin hears him. “See, I was feeling  _River Monsters: Just Kidding We’re Hunting in the Ocean This Time.”_

“I don’t know, I like it better when he’s in his element.” Grabbing the cat and two beers from the fridge, Woojin slides out of the kitchen and into the spacious living room to find Jihoon already curled up on the couch. The place is a little messy, but that’s mainly because homebody-Jihoon doesn’t really clean up after himself when he’s alone.

It’s a very nice apartment. Hardwood floors, soft yellow walls, a damn fine balcony and a hell of a view. They even have something of a sun room, where they set up a little home office slash greenhouse. Plants are everywhere: herbs and bamboo in the kitchen, succulents and cacti in the bathroom, and a number of potted plants hanging from the ceiling or littering the bookshelves. Most available surfaces in the apartment are always quickly taken up by whatever cactus or fern Woojin decides to impulse-buy next.

Young, foolish, and financially secure, the two of them are pretty much in it for the long haul. Next on the grocery list is _‘Adopt a handicapped doggo’._ The Life List is actually real—it's on the fridge.

Walking quietly to stand behind the couch, Woojin smirks and touches Jihoon on his cheek with the cold beer bottle. With a little _eep!_ Jihoon jumps cutely in shock before realizing he’s not in danger and takes the IPA with an embarrassed laugh.

Woojin climbs over the back of the couch instead of taking the four steps it would take to go around it like a normal person. Once he’s snuggled in he drapes Shingles over both of their laps. Jihoon gives him a quick peck on the cheek and starts casting the Arapaima episode from his phone.

Taking this time to just look at his boyfriend, he can’t really help the soft smile that pulls at his lips. Jihoon is being very sweet today, ordering food and letting him pick the episode like that. “Did you get any work done?”

He barks out a quick laugh. “Well…? Update went out yesterday so we’re kind of in this lackadaisy, post-sprint lull. We all get to work from home for a few days and get paid to work on our individual projects until we ramp up again.” Jihoon bites his lip a little before asking, “Have you updated yet?”

Nope. “Should I?”

“You better.” Jihoon warns vaguely, waving a finger.

_“My name is Jeremy Wade. For years I’ve been tracking down dangerous fish in some of the remotest places on earth.”_

“It’s just so dramatic. _‘Dangerous fish’_.” Woojin tries to imitate his Suffolk accent but it’s so awful that Jihoon claps a hand over his mouth with a firm “No.”

_“I've discovered that behind even the most outlandish tale, there is often a real creature.”_

Unable to resist, Woojin tries again, _“Often a real creat—"_ and gets the same hand to the mouth. Turning up the cheek a bit, Woojin licks his palm and Jihoon pulls it away with disgust.

“ _A man-sized monster prowls the rivers. A creature that will take me to my limit… and beyond.”_

Jihoon quickly has two fingers held in front of his lips, stopping Woojin from going for an impersonation hat-trick. “Don’t you dare.”

In retaliation Woojin kisses the fingers softly before turning to the show with a satisfied smirk.

“Have you updated yet?” Jihoon tries again with the exact same tone as the first time he asked. He crosses his legs next to Woojin and Shingles takes advantage of this ideal bowl of a lap to snuggle up with only Jihoon. The cat prefers neither of them, really. He cuddles up with whoever is the warmest and most comfortable at the time.

“You really want me to update, huh. Why, did you leave an easter egg?” Woojin nudges Jihoon before swinging an arm around his shoulders loosely.

Jihoon takes advantage of this new access to Woojin’s pants pocket to sneak out his phone and unlock it— _since when does he know my passcode, fuck—_ before picking through his settings and manually accepting the update. After a series of prompts which Jihoon quickly breezes through, the phone restarts. In another moment it begins the update procedure.

Pick-pocketing complete, Jihoon finally answers. “No easter egg. Well, sort of. It’s not an inside joke or hidden feature or anything. Just… you know... yeah.”

“Yeah?” Woojin teases.

“Yeah.” Jihoon remains vague and hands Woojin’s rebooting phone back to him. “I did something.”

“You did something?”

Woojin looks down to his phone, still downloading and applying the update, and continues. “Are you going to make me find that _something_ you did?”

“I don’t think it will be very difficult.”

At this moment the music on the show dips into dangerous, almost spooky tones and both of them get distracted by the plight of their favorite mercenary fisherman. It’s not until the five-minute scene is over that Woojin sees his phone is successfully updated and he has notifications from two of his group chats and a series of texts from Daehwi. Before he can even move, he gets texts from both Daniel and Seongwoo.

“Jihoon, what did you do.”

Shingles stretches his way out of Jihoon’s lap and Woojin takes advantage of this to pull him closer by his hips. “What did you do.”

"I called in the cavalry."

Woojin holds his gaze with raised and slightly narrowed eyebrows, prompting him to continue.

“Remember my wine rant like a week ago?”

With trepidation Woojin unlocks his phone and opens up Daehwi’s stream of messages. There are no words, just fifty of the same repeated emoji:

          

          

          

          

          

A snaggletooth emoji.

The world now has a relatively useless snaggletooth emoji.

_He DIDN'T._

Jihoon totally did. The scale of the gesture is starting to hit him. He created a snaggletooth emoji for him and now his friends are bombarding him with it. Somewhere a stranger is using an emoji that was created for him, in his image. This shit is live. Even though he kind of wants to rip his heart out of his chest and give it to Jihoon right at this very moment, Woojin plays it cool. 

... if playing it cool actually means tackling his favorite person into the couch, that is.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [THE ARAPAIMA ALTERCATION](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfFfevlkWCE)  
>      
> well i have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/tinylittlebell) now please come on over and keyboard smash at me  
>   
> YOU GUYS I MADE THE SNAGGLEMOJI I DID IT  
> [](https://imgbb.com/)  
> 


End file.
